I coined a new term today… crumb-ly….. or crumbly if you will.
When you hear that you may think of a cookie, I do.
I have a favorite coffee shop I go to, and on occasion I will get a double chocolate cookie along with my matcha. I go here specifically because their matcha’s don’t come pre sweetened, and if you are a matcha drinker you know that is like almost impossible to find.
AMIGHT my fellow matcha drinkers ?!
SO I go here to get my unsweetened matcha with oat milk, but then sometimes this chocolate cookie just calls out to me. So whenever I get it, I quickly abandon the matcha and devour the cookie. Yes I know the ridiculousness of going to a specific coffee shop to get an unsweetened matcha, and also getting a cookie, that is not lost on me. But I am ok with it.
If I try and break a piece off of the cookie while still in the bag, my preferred way of eating it, it crumbles into a million little pieces, and does not make for the easiest driving snack. So I have learned to just take bites out of the cookie whole, and for some reason it does not crumble.
Lately, I feel like this cookie, if something or someone tries to “break me” I crumble. I immediately give over my power to whatever the crumble inducing thing is, and abort the mission I was on. But the odd thing is that I am witnessing this crumble, almost from a position of this crumble is happening automatically from a habitual part of my body. My mind doesn’t even really agree, my mind is saying “that’s not so bad, we are ok” but it’s like my body didn’t get the memo. Almost like it’s waiting for the opportunity to go into crumble mode, almost seeking it out if you will. While this is very odd, and makes me feel a bit out of control, I am making in-roads with it , doing all the stuffs, and am getting help as needed. I know it’s happening for me, so I feel strangely at peace with it.
What I wanted to discuss in this post is how to reframe this crumble and keep going. Currently I am in the beginning stages of building my online spiritual life coaching astrology business. Which is a trip. Really, if you ever want to be faced with all your “stuff” start a business that is close to your heart. Or maybe not even close to your heart, but I don’t recommend that, starting a business is hard work and takes the dedication that only a heart centered cause would give you the strength to endure.
A sign that I know something big is coming up for me is that I will start to see hints of it everywhere, which is when I started to see the theme of not falling back into your old patterns when faced with a new challenge, on repeat, I knew it was coming for me.
And that hunch was solidified when my energy mentor told me this was exactly what we were working on this month. Not falling into victim mode when things don’t go my way, when an obstacle appears or when you need to change course. More specificity when I ask for guidance from my higher power, to do so from an empowered place , not from the more whiny, child like place of “whhyyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeee” which is what I’m a little ashamed to say, I had been doing. Now maybe not all the time, but definitely when hard things come up, I would ask for guidance almost from a state of “do it for me so I don’t have to”.
When she said this it clicked immediately. Oh snap, I see. I have very much began to embody the asking for guidance from my higher power on the reg, but half the time it was not from a centered place of empowerment, but from that powerless childlike place. And then I would be shocked when nothing empowering came to me. It was for sure a lightbulb moment.
So now that I have this new info, I have begun to catch myself, to make sure when I ask for guidance to center myself in my heart space before doing so, ready to receive the guidance, whatever it is and however it looks, when it comes. Ready to do my part, as the functioning adult I am, even if the screaming child parts of my body needs some time to process and heal, which I will give it.
Tying this back into growing my business while being in this crumbly state of awareness, I got another tip today, build your business is a way that does not deplete your energy, the path of least resistance. This is my business and I can build it as I see fit. Another lightbulb moment! Ah yes, this is my business, and I CAN build it just how I want. Honestly, I believe the more I am true to my heart in all that I do, the more of my soul tribe I will attract. And in this day and age, there is no one size makes successful, especially in the online business space. There are so many people just doing themselves, offering their gifts and being of service, first and foremost to themselves, then to their clients.
So, I feel good. I feel raw, vulnerable, crumbly, but learning to embody my truest self. I know that on the other side of this discomfort I’m sitting with and looking at, is a beautiful business that serves me as much as it serves you.
And I am excited to see how it shakes out.